scrambled thoughts.

I didnt sleep at all again last night. I tossed and turned from this intense pain in my back. It's achy and crampy but not like a PMS symptom. Like a real symptom to a possibly real problem. (not that PMS isnt real...trust me, of all people, I know it is!!!) I woke up feeling lethargic and tired and frustrated. I can barely sit let alone stand without feeling the pain. I dont know whats going on but I have to find out soon.

Braden woke up this morning in a good mood. I was glad to see him after my initial frustration that he was awake so early and so aggressively. It isnt a pleasant thing to wake up to him crying and fussing. Sends me into a panic/anxiety mode. But after awhile of him being awake and right after Nora woke up...he of course pooped on me. Cant go a week without that happening. He was in just a diaper and it came out the sides onto me as I was holding and cuddling him. It was only then that I realized he smelled terribly and now...so did I. :) Go ahead and giggle to yourself. I do.

I hit 115 on my scale today. Pretty thrilled about that although I wasnt concerned much with the numbers after I started to see my body changing just from pilates. I could see the structure and strength of my muscles changing and am thrilled. But nevertheless, it still felt awesome to see that I have literally gotten back down to my smallest weight. I dont want to lose any more. I feel great.

I took more pictures of Nora playing out in the leaves last night. We couldnt stay out for long because I dont know if any of you have noticed but this year there is like a bug epidemic or something. They are attacking us so early and so viciously. Braden got bit right under his eye and it is currently swelling up like Nora's did. I'm gonna ride it out, though, before ever putting him on antibiotics that could make him as sick as they made her. I cant do that again and I dont want to put him through it either. Anyway, I dont have the patience to sit and put all the pictures up right now so maybe if I feel any better later, I will.

Rachel and Amos are leaving for Hawaii tomorrow. Amos is in his friends wedding and they get to stay for 5 days (I think). Anyway, please pray for their flights and for their safe arrival to Hawaii and back again in a few days. God already has this trip planned and I know it will be a great time for them. I must admit I'm rather jealous. Not only did they honeymoon in Jamaica but now Hawaii? I think they have had plenty of alone time so when they get home maybe they'll start making babies!!! :)

I'll keep you all updated on how I'm feeling. Please continue to pray. I hate hate hate not feeling well and I honestly cant afford to be down. The kids need me and I need myself to feel sane. haha. I love you all...you're the greatest blessings in my life!