Thursday, January 22, 2009

January 22nd.

3 years ago today my life changed forever. All of our lives changed forever. Today marks 3 years since Jesus took Nanny home with Him to Heaven. I almost cant believe it. 3 years feels like no time. I feel like just yesterday I was hugging her and laughing with her. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was telling her I was pregnant with Nora, yet she didnt live long enough to see her beautiful little face. Nora's face looks so much like my Nanny's face.

When I think back to the time when Nanny was sick and in the hospital, something stands out to me very clearly. I was so hopeful of healing! I prayed and was confident that the Lord would come in that room and place His healing hands upon her life. I am even more confident this very minute that He did just that! He healed her in the most perfect and precious way. Heaven is indescribable, unimaginable and clearly paradise. I know her pain was immediately taken away and her body was renewed and restored; not only to health but to perfection. Thank you Jesus!

I miss her so much. I miss walking into the house and seeing her laying in bed. I miss crawling into bed next to her. She would roll over and talk to me for hours if I wanted her to. She loved us more than anything and we all knew it. She was the greatest grandma. She was gentle and delicate yet feisty and rigid. She spoke her mind and never held back. She believed in the Lord and trusted in Him. She was faithful to her children, her husband and her life. She made her house a home and a safe place for all of us to go when things werent always safe elsewhere. She taught me so much about the woman I am and will someday be. She taught my own mom how to be a great mother and a great grandma herself. She supported our decisions and loved us unconditionally.

She smelled so sweet and had the prettiest nails. Her hands were covered in freckles much like the rest of her body. She had these squinty and sometimes sad eyes that reminded me of all she had endured in her life. She was often tired. I cant blame her. Life dealt her a nasty hand sometimes. But she would never have told us that. She lived as if enjoying it all for the first time. I sometimes get physically sick thinking about the fact that she isnt here to see my children and watch them grow. I know she would put Nora right in her place and I know that I know she would spend the days laughing at Braden, just like she did Jake. She loved Jake in such an awesome way! She was a great Nanny for him.

Our mourning is nowhere near over. We all feel so much grief that it takes over us at times. The Lord has given us great peace but we are affected by the loss of someone who left such a huge void not only in our lives but in our hearts. If I close my eyes, I can hear her voice and laughter. I dont want to forget it. Time steals memories, I'm afraid; but for now I think we are all holding on so tight that we wont soon forget the sound of her. Today I want to celebrate the woman that she was to all of us. I miss her and love her so much and cannot wait to see her again at the throne of our Lord. I know she is there even now, worshipping Him for His greatness. She would want me to do the same!
Today is also my parent's 26th wedding anniversary! Last year we celebrated by throwing them a surprise party. I know they loved being surrounded by their friends and family on a day that will forever be changed by the loss of Nanny. I want to not forget that it is still important to look at them and celebrate their marriage. It is strong.

For me, looking at my parents, I see such stability. They may laugh when reading that, however, they don't understand that they have been a steady in our lives. They have endured so much together in 26 years and have made it through to today. They have been great models for me in so many ways. I think all children learn from their parents success and failures and I certainly am no exception to that. I just want to say thanks to both of you for living each day knowing that you are going to succeed in this journey of marriage. God has a unique calling on your lives and your children are reaping the benefits from your persistence and strength in binding together. You have blessed us in so many ways by remaining strong and loving one another. I am grateful for your marriage and the mold that it created for us to follow. I hope you have a great day. It truly is something to celebrate! I love you both so so much!
I lost my wedding ring. I never take it off but my fingers are too skinny for any of my rings now and so it must have fallen while doing one of my every day things. I'm so upset so please pray that I'll find it. It's just my band...but it is important to me. I feel so lost without it.

In other news, we are getting a puppy today. I know what you're thinking. Me...with a dog...huh? haha. Her name is Heidi and she is a daschund hound. Daniel is bringing her home this afternoon. The kids dont know yet so I'm anxious to see their reactions to her. I'll post pictures as soon as I can! She is so sweet and we are adopting her from a foster home. She is just a puppy who is just now house broken. We'll see how this goes....!!! Have a great day everyone.

The Lord is our strength and our salvation. Whom shall we Fear??


Anonymous said...

Ramee, I sure do know how you feel as far as you Nanny my grandma passed away almost 10 years ago in April and I still remember that Day as if it were yesterday. I to still miss her so much and my stomache hurts when I think of not having her here. I also look forward to seeing her in heaven! In the day of rememberging your nanny may God give you peace just thinking of the great memories with her.. From the way you describe this woman of God she has left such a great legacy behind for you to tell your babies about! I hope I leave the same legacy to my grandbabies! I hope you have a peaceful day!
P.S. I will be praying that you find your ring.. I would feel lost without mine too! ;)

Rachel said...

I love you and I truly wish I could have gotten to meet Nanny. I know she and I would've gotten along marvelously, and our attitudes would have been nothing short of the same. Through your words however, I honestly feel like I have known her my whole life. I know the pain is still real, and I am proud of all of you for just trudging through it together and never waivering. I love you very much and I am praying for you today.

Hope you find your band...just goes to show you how skinny you stinkking are! ;) I wanna see the dog, you have to call me and let me know how the kids react, I can't wait! Sure you don't want Gunner?