Thursday, February 26, 2009

My Heart; My friend.

I'm so thankful for the people in my life. I have awesome opportunities every day to speak to people about God and to teach people and inspire them about their bodies. I am strong and joyful and gracious to God for giving me such divine appointments and the opportunity to share my joy with anyone I can. I am more thankful, however, that God sees that just like everyone else, I need a sounding board. I need a friend in whom I can turn to and trust through the ups and downs of my own life. I have days where I dont feel very spiritual. God knows this. I have days when I dont feel very dedicated or uplifting. There are days when I dont know how I'm going to muster up the courage or energy to take care of these kids the best way or the most Godly way that I can. There are days when I am tired, frustrated, hurt, emotional, sad, lonely and just plain bitter. These days pass, of course, but I need to give credit where credit is due.

God, above all else, is the reason why I am able to find joy in any circumstance. But God Himself has given me a best friend that not only listens to me but is brutally honest with me. God brought Rachel into my life like thunder. She appeared to me in the form of another young girl who was madly in love with her young Marine boyfriend on an internet support forum. (God will use anything to get through to us, I've learned.) She was a Christian and I was drawn to the likeness that we shared. I felt immediately equal to her in so many ways. I have found that there are always people who either are or are not on your spiritual level. Some people are in our lives to witness to and encourage day after day. I have done that my entire life and love being that strong tower for so many people. However, I was relieved to feel a sense of ease in my conversations about God with Rachel right from the very beginning. She knew my heart and she got me. I could breathe because for the first time in such a long time I was able to dump a little on her, knowing that in turn I would not be a stumbling block in her walk with God. How awesome of a feeling that was for me!!!

It is so nice to be able to call this friend of mine on the phone and know that I will not only receive honesty and strength from her conversations but I will receive encouragement that I so little find elsewhere. I can pour my heart out and she is willing to bear my burdens even for a few minutes. We know that as friends it is only right to take our frustrations to God before picking up that phone to vent. We have learned that and agree to it (most days.) It is a beautiful thing to have a connection so strong with someone that it can be maintained through months and months of not seeing one another. It can grow every day that we talk. It doesnt change, or waiver. It is steady in my life. Rachel challenges my thinking about so many things and spiritually I need that. Because, even I, grow weary. Even I feel lost and weak at times. She will not let me stay there but only for a moment and then she gently (or not so gently) lifts me back up and makes me move on. She has divine wisdom and the heart of a true spiritual warrior. Her inner self is a very close image of my own and for that I am so thankful. We agree on so many issues (the majority of what we believe) yet we are fine with disagreeing as well. We have a balance that cannot compare with any other relationship in my entire life....

...and all of this because we were open to God's plan for our friendship from the start. God's divinity in this life is so miraculous to me! It literally makes me fall on my face in awe of His character. It is simply cannot be matched. This friendship is the light of my life and the strength in my journey. I needed to say that today so that I can look back and remember someday just how grateful I am feeling for this friend of mine on this particular cold & rainy day.

You've changed my life Rache. You have gotten me through so many days that I could not have gotten through otherwise. I love being a part of this journey that you and Amos have started recently of civilian-hood.(haha) It's neat to have your support in my mothering, marriage, finances, and spirituality. I don't take your guidance or wisdom for granted and I hope you understand the depth of love and respect I have for you. You are part of me through and through; thick and thin-- and I just love you for that. Thank you for helping me to be a more virtuous woman and I just pray daily that I do the same for you! Thank you for speaking into my life this week when telling me your thoughts on the difference between joy and happiness. (Don't worry everyone, I'll be blogging about that exact conversation later in the week. I think it's something we can all learn from!) My heart was open to those words and it is something I know I will think about every day for the rest of my life, because I want to strive to continue having JOY and choosing JOY no matter what. I don't think you understood the impact of your little speech to me a few days ago, but I hope you get it now. It was important to me and my life. It always is. I miss you and I love you. I thank God for you. You truly are my best.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

Oh Rame. Are you serious? This is so beautiful!!! I am so grateful for you and for everything about "us." You make life so bearable for me. This is really very special to me. Thank you, a million times thank you. But always remember that everything I am to you, is the exact mirror of what you are to me! I am so grateful to our God that through each other, He speaks to us both. He knows our balances and He knows exactly what words we need to utter(either gently or not so gently haha). Thank you Jesus for a friend, a sounding board, a confidant, a teacher, and a sister. I love you Rame.