...in the center of the ring just like a circus...

Aggravated, Frustrated, Annoyed, Irritated, exhausted, Xanax, please.

Today has been a day. So much so that when Janene came to pick up her calm, beautiful, peaceful daughter around lunch time she said to me, "It's like you're in a circus."

Yes. It is like that. Just like that, in fact.

Here, in no particular order, are just some of the events that have set me over the edge today.

*I should have known it was going to be a one of a kind type of wacky day when I gave Braden his sausage biscuit in the living room and he laid on his belly, licking it and eating it like a dog. ??

*Nora threw a massive, massive, cant-even-describe-it type of fit today. It lasted at least 20 minutes which in mommy time=f.o.r.e.v.e.r.

*During her fit she proceeded to hit, kick and spit on Braden.

*Braden repeatedly climbed on the table after telling him over and over to get down. Eventually he got his butt spanked and looked at me & laughed in my face.

*For some other random kiddy crime, he ended up in the corner. At this point he decided to turn around, walk out 2 steps, laugh in my face again and run back as if it is a joyous game. He did that for 10 minutes.

*Both babies shook their sippy cups so that juice went all over the couch and soaked it completely. Again.

*I bent down because Braden was running towards me as if he was going to give me a hug. But that was no lovable kiss I felt on my shoulder. Oh no no my friends. He bit me. Hard.

*While he was biting I smelt a strong odor quickly emerging from my daughter's diaper. Of course you would poop in the midst of everything else, Nora. As I'm changing her, Heidi proceeds to lick the poop right out of the diaper that is still under her butt. (insert juggling clown now.)

*After putting the kids to bed and hoping for a good 3 hours of sleep from them, Braden is now awake. Talking. Babbling. Yippeeeee :)

*Did I mention that while shaving me legs in my relaxing bath I nicked a stretch mark on my upper thigh? I'm so glad those are there! They serve such great purpose and it feels so good when the thinnest part of them gets cut by my razor while trying to relax. ahhhhh.

Although there were probably 46 more events that took place, I just cant bring myself to think about the torture of this morning for one more second. I had a real life panic attack that brought me to tears and that is the first time in a longggggg time in which that has happened. I am, for the most part, extremely patient with these babies. Today. was. just. not. a. good. day.

When people ask me how I lost all of that weight, I am going to tell them the truth from now on. I lost all of that weight because on days like today last summer, no matter HOW HOT it was, I strapped these redheads into that stroller and began walking as far away and as fast as I could. The more they talked, the faster I walked. The more they cried, the faster I walked. The more they hit one another, the faster I walked. It was my release, my security, and I was in control of ONE thing.

That Double Stroller.

...and on a day like today with my leg throbbing the way that it is, I am so frustrated at myself and my situation. I am supposed to be resting and have found no rest. I am supposed to be healing and it feels out of sight. I am exhausted with the voices of these two redheaded babies. It's raining outside and hot inside. Heidi is annoying and disgusting and the kids move their mouths even when there is nothing to say.

I have officially declared myself the true, living, breathing & panicking Desperate Housewife (originally from green valley and currently residing in the house with the yard that contains at least 23 deeper-than-should-be-allowed holes...brought to you by the cutest, most annoying wiener dog around.)

sigh. I'm going to yoga tonight.