Wednesday, May 13, 2009

...And then it hit me...

Isn't it odd how we think about things a certain way because of our own misconceptions or ideas? I find that I do this alot with many different situations in my life.

Jeni hands me a pair of jeans the other day that are a size 1 and tells me she doesnt remember why she never wore them, she just hasnt...and that I could have them. She also hands over 3 shirts that she no longer wants. I sit back and giggle internally as I think "yeah right, Jeni. Is this a sick joke?" Later I am in my bedroom and just for kicks I begin to pull the jeans on.
And Then It Hit Me.
I still see myself as a size 7. 125-130 pounds. My mind is clouded by thoughts of the old me in my old clothes at my old size. It is ingrained in my mind and it is a misconception. Those jeans slid right on and were even slightly loose. I am a new "me." I don't know if I will ever see myself in real time, as the actual size that I am. My mind plays tricks on me.

I was changing Braden's diaper this morning and took his feet out of his pajamas like I always do, to smell them. There isnt a time that goes by that I dont take full advantage of the opportunity to smell his piggies. They are like nothing I have ever experienced and it is delightful to say the least. I look at them, smell them, tickle them and he giggles at me.
And Then It Hit Me.
After this summer, he will not have "baby feet" anymore. They will lose that smell, they will grow. He might wear footed pj's but even then they will never be the same. He is growing so quickly. My mind has him as an infant. He is almost 2. It saddens me and I know I will long for baby feet once again.

I was painting Nora's fingernails and toenails this morning. She is dressed in her best Sunday dress because she picked it out first thing this morning. She looks beautiful. She has her binky in her mouth and is having a full conversation right through it. She moves her beautiful little legs and her diaper is revealed.
And Then It Hit Me.
Much like with her brother, I see this little girl as my baby. I can't quite wrap my own brain around the fact that she is 2 months away from being a three year old. She sings full songs, has lengthy conversations, learns new words and numbers every day and yet I still see her as the sweet 7 month old redhead just learning to walk. Other people, I'm sure, see a 3 yr. old in a diaper with a binky. I still see my baby. She's my baby.

It is a rainy, nasty, dark day here today. Both babies are staring out the big window watching the rain fall. I say to them "The Lord gives us thunder and rain. Thank you Jesus!" Nora replies in her sweetest voice as she lifts her little hand towards Heaven,
"Thank you Jesus! Come back Jesus. I miss you so much."
My eyes filled with tears as I looked at her with wonder and amazement. I simply said under my breath, "Come back Jesus. Soon, Lord."
And Then It Hit Me.
In regards to my post yesterday and the way that I often feel I fall short as a mother...the Lord himself is showing me that I am doing it! I am instilling within these beautiful children that every good and perfect gift is from Heaven. I am showing them and teaching them by my words and actions that the Lord is the most vital, relevant and crucial part of our existence on this earth that is not our home. Their delicate little hands praise the Lord when music begins to play and Nora gently says "pray now mommy," when she's settled herself under her blankets at bed time. They say "Amen" after our dinner-time prayer and listen diligently when I speak to them about Jesus. I know that I have prayed over their hearts and minds since they were created inside of my womb, but to see the fruit of those prayers be present in my babe's even now is...well, remarkable, to say the least.
I am doing it.

I pray that your mind would experience a clarity today that brings forth some sense of "it hit me" goodness! It is an awesome thing to have truth resound right in front of you and to feel the impact of something so obvious to everyone around you yet so hidden from your own sight. I know that we all have those moments and I truly believe the Holy Spirit manifests in such a subtle yet profound way for a purpose that is much greater than we could ever know. It's all about growing, learning and changing. I know those are 3 things that I am always doing; purposefully or not! Have a great day!!!

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