Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Tid Bits.

Forgive me.
I was going to write "My day in December Part 2" yesterday...
My life in December got in the way.
You see, a couple days ago when I wrote part one, I was thinking about how much I wanted to remember days like this, good or bad, in the future. Yesterday, however, all I wanted to do was forget it. I literally only had enough energy to live it and none left over to write about it.
But you get the gist. And maybe someday I'll tell you about life from nap time to bedtime and everything in between. But not today.

Today, just like everyday for the past 2 weeks, I have a ridiculous cough. It is coming from deep in my lungs and keeps me awake at night. Causes me to puke during the day. Is exhausting.

Today I am 8 weeks pregnant. I am still feeling good. Although tired, and irritable and emotionally needy. But over all, good. I remember how much I hate the first few weeks of pregnancy. How it is so difficult to not feel like yourself and wonder why nothing feels normal or quite right. Although a few things are different for me--
-- I feel my body changing rapidly. No one else can tell (or so they say) but I can, for sure.
-- Smells of all different sorts are making me nauseous. Our kitchen sink, for example. Random I know.
-- I ate anything and everything I wanted with the redheads but this time around, certain foods just do not sound good to me. In fact, I'm basically eating because I know that I have to and not because I want to. Nothing is pleasing to my appetite.
-- I'm exhausted. Again, with the redheads, I don't remember feeling THIS tired but then again, I'm sure I wasn't THIS tired. Or if I was, I had no choice but to just deal with it. Much like now, I suppose.
Me: "Nora, what does the Bible say?"
Nora: "The Bible says not to be angry."
At least she learned that lesson for the day. I feel accomplished.
This morning Braden woke up feisty and nasty like he usually does. Disciplining him is becoming so challenging for me. When daddy is home, he is the firm voice that I need to back me up. When I'm here alone it is as if I do not exist. So this morning when he wouldn't listen and screamed in my face after kicking me, I decided to carry him up to his room. I could hear him screaming at me and throwing toys around but I knew he was still in his crib. I left him there while I finished up a few things that I needed to get done. And quite frankly, I needed a little moment. Prayer, tears, Prayer.
Many minutes had passed before I felt like I could deal with him again. When I finally went into his room and walked over to his crib, I simply asked, "are you ready to be a nice boy now and to treat mommy respectfully?"
He then put his little finger up to his mouth and said "hmmm?" as if thinking about it.
And that sums up my life with him.
Nora would have never responded like that. She would be apologetic and genuinely sorry. She would be upset for upsetting me. Not this boy. I have my hands full.
I want Daniel one minute and all of his attention and the next minute I can't stand the way he looks, talks, smells or behaves. He wasn't here for my pregnancy with Braden. May not have been such a terrible thing (for him.)

I finished my shopping and feel great about it! I'm getting excited for Christmas morning both so I can see the kids' reactions and so that I can take down these overwhelming decorations.

Rachel & Amos found out today that they are having a baby GIRL!!!
I'm beyond excited for them. Rachel was with Daniel & I the day we found out that Nora was a baby girl and it was incredibly special for me to have her there! She said Amos is feeling anxious about being a daddy to a girl but I remember Daniel feeling the same emotions and he is a great father to Nora. It takes alot of prayer and seeking God's help to raise a daughter (from a dad's perspective) but I know Amos will be great! He's so gentle and loving. She is a lucky babe! Rachel is over the moon! It's just so perfect. I love seeing God's plan unfold.

This time of year stirs up alot of emotions in me. Sometimes I feel like I am restrained to sharing them here due to the people that I know read how I'm feeling. I hate that because this is supposed to be my safe place. But in the coming days I may write about memories of years past and things that I have been dealing with in my heart lately. I pray you are blessed by my words as God would use me to free my spirit of some pain and yet encourage you with some uplifting thoughts as well.

What's new in your world this week?
Are you anticipating Christmas?
Are you taking time to NOT take the King for granted?

He deserves the glory,and the honor. Always. No matter what
He is God.


Sarah said...

my week has been full of changes. both of my girls are now running around the house naked due to the fact that they are both potty trained (during the day anyway)!! this is the first year that i am just about ready for Christmas to be over with. im overwhelmed and on top of everything, my sisters bio mom decided that she wants something to do with her. (not sure if you knew cassy was adopted) UGH! {sigh} it was nice to get that off of my chest.

i know exactly how you feel about family or close friends reading your blog and taking it the wrong way. my blog used to be like a journal for me and now i find myself guarded and scared to write certain things. i hate that!

alright enough complaining from ths mommy!! take care! xoxo

Tiffany said...

I had a lousy day, too. We should get together for coffee! {wink} Thinking of you!

Jalen James said...

It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only person that feels this way at times.

Ashleigh said...

I remember so well when I was pregnant the first time, laying with my head on Kyle's lap and smelling his Carhartt. It didnt even stink, there was just something about it that made me want to puke and I had this feeling of hate for him overtake me. So weird what pregnancy does to your body and mind in that way. Even this time around he would come home from work and I would want to puke at the sight of his face when 5 minutes before I wanted him home so badly. Poor guy, ha!