Friday, February 26, 2010

feelings of girls.

So today is the morning after we found out that we are, in fact, having a girl and not a baby boy. All of this is hard to process. It's no less of a blessing, but I have to try to wrap my mind around it all.
I'm in shock, no doubt. I have been praying over this baby and calling him by name. The kids knew his name. And that's hard. It's almost like grieving for someone who never was.
Who we already loved so so much.
That is painful.

It's also hard in a spiritual sense. I heard the Lord speak clearly to me that "we were going to have a son and in his name would be Thomas."
I still believe that is true. I am not boxing God in and I know that He is faithful. I am also confident in knowing that I did hear Him speaking. I have heard the Lord many times before and listened to His call. My friendship with Katie, among so many other things in my life, is proof (to myself) of the quickening I have felt from God.
Daniel feels a little bit conflicted spiritually about the whole situation, but after talking and praying, I know that we have given this child up to the Lord--no matter what his or her gender may be. Because, ultimately...we really will not know until the day she arrives.
God is God like that.
And I have complete trust in Him.
I am learning lessons about restraint from this whole situation, and I pray God would continue to show me how and when I am supposed to reveal specific things that He speaks only to me...and maybe only for me.

With all of that being said...
I am excited!
A little girl!!!
A beautiful, sweet, delicate little girl. A precious lady.
She looked great. The Dr. really did look 3 or 4 different times to be sure he wasn't seeing any boy parts, and I was paying close attention. At 18 weeks, this is the time we would normally be finding out for the first time what gender our baby I am pretty confident (although slightly leery) that she is indeed a she. And the Dr. seemed confident as well. Although he did say he'd check again next month.
I couldn't help but spend most of the day laughing. You hear of this happening to people all the time, but I have never really known someone who it has happened to. I'm beyond thankful that it wasn't the day of her birth and we had thought all along that she was a boy. I'm not sure how I would feel and at least I will have time to adjust my thinking and my prayers over this little girl.

Daniel loves being a daddy to a girl. Nora was his first and she made him a dad. Even though she's at a tough age, he has a close bond with her. He adores her. And I know he adores this baby as well. It may take him a day or two longer than it has me, but he will be smitten soon enough.

We do have a name picked out, but I'm not quite sure we want to share it here just yet. Give us a few days...
it's pretty darn cute, though:)

So all in all-
I am feeling shocked.
I am feeling excited.
I am feeling overwhelmed.
I am feeling thankful. (for so many reasons)
I am feeling humbled.
I am feeling shocked.
I am feeling giddy.
I am feeling shocked...
...oh I already said that? My bad.

1 comment:

Tiffany said...

A girl, a girl, a girl! I am getting excited to pick out an outfit and send it to you this summer!!
We did not find out what Cadi was when I was carrying her. I was CERTAIN she was a boy. I prayed for her as a boy and referred o her as "he" and "him". I was shocked when she was born, and she was a boy! Her birth was very traumatic, though. So I was just so relieved to have a baby! Praying for you! I am going to email you one of these days and snailmail you too!! Things have been so crazy here, but everything winds down Sunday. (Or picks back up! Ha!) Have a lovely day!!
PS I finally got my wish and we are snowed in with 20 inches!!!