Wednesday, May 5, 2010


7 am: Wake up. Snuggle with Braden for a few minutes before his demands begin.
7:30 am: Heidi is barking and scratching to get out. No pee on the floor. One plus for the day ahead!
7:45 am: Nora wakes up. Grouchy. Braden looks at her the wrong way; she cried.
8:30 am: both kids to their rooms for fighting twice already.
9:00 am: Exhausted and ready for naps. Kids crying to go outside.
9:15 am: Laundry & Dishes
9:30 am: Both kids back to their rooms.
9:45 am: crying and screaming continues
10:00 am: outside. some quiet.
10:45 am: Mom calls. She's bringing pizza for lunch
10:50 am: Nora cries to go inside. I beg her to wait for Nanny...just a few more minutes.
11:00 am: Jeni comes.
11:05 am: Mom comes with lunch. Kids still crying, fighting, talking, yelling.
Noon: Mom asks what time it is and can't believe it's still so early. I feel like I should have been back to bed hours ago.
12:45 pm: Braden to bed. Nora throws massive fit. I load her upstairs for the 100th time (at least) and want to cry. I have yelled the majority of the morning. Want to cry. She continues to cry.
1:15 pm: Kids in bed. Braden sleeping; Nora resting. Time for my bath.
1:45 pm: Trying to get my hair and make-up done. Nora gets up. I have anxiety. Lay with her until she falls asleep.
1:55 pm: I hear Braden coughing and crying in his crib. He's awake. I want to cry. Rub and pat his head until he falls back to sleep.
2:00 pm: Take 28 week belly pictures...
That's right! 28 weeks=7 months=third trimester!!!
* I feel good except for my tailbone and my feet aching alot.
* I lost some weight last week due to being sick. I have now gained 25 total.
* Am making milk. Have been since week 24.
* Trying to get Mabel's room finished. Not having much luck.
* Enjoy feeling the lady move and shake.
* Am short of breath.
* Feeling sick almost every night. Really weird.
* Am excited for next week's sonogram (4-D).
* Love being pregnant.
I am exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed today.
I have spent lots of time with God the last couple of days (and it has been wonderful) and yet still feel at a loss with the kids. I understand it's normal, but I still feel so alone.
I'm not alone, right?
Are your kids being extra rambunctious?

It's been a long day but I cannot wait for the kids to wake up so we can 'start over.' I don't want to be the yelling mom, or the angry mom. I want to be the mom who is in control.
I wish I could explain to the two of them how much I love them--so much it hurts. I wish they understood the depth of that love. I know they feel it, but on a morning like today's, it feels like all I have conveyed is frustration. I'm trying desperately to be patient because they are just little. And I understand. But in the midst of the madness, it can be so difficult.

I want so many of you to know that although I post about the redheads and all our ups and downs, I struggle too. I am not this perfect mom who has it all together all the time. I'm trying daily to get it right. Some days I feel like I do. Others, I fall ridiculously short. And that is why I am thankful for a Savior and King who has tender mercy. He renews my strength every day so that I can focus on what is truly important here...which is showing the love of Jesus to the kids that I so passionately love.

I'm going to rest in the Lord today knowing that He will guide me in all I do with these children. I am quick to apologize both to the kids and to the Lord when I say or do something I shouldn't and the best thing is I feel forgiveness from all immediately. It's an awesome gift to be forgiven!
I hope you all have a great day....
we are going to finish ours strong.


brandy said...

ooooo how I know how you feel! My kids have for sure been the same way the last couple days..... I fall short too lose my patience way to often.. no where near perfect mom! I'm working on it also! Forgiveness is a beautiful thing from God and our babies! Thank God for Himself! Be encouraged there are other momma's dealing with the same issues. Your not alone!!
But right now I'm sitting outside.. the kiddos are playing.. the weather is awesome.. and all is well for this moment! :-)

Anonymous said...

You are definitely not alone Ramee!! I was just thinking how our days will be this summer when Brad goes back to work (hopefully)and I have all 4 to myself!! We have the same volume issues you do. They yell and scream at each other I yell and scream too. Ugh! Hopefully I can keep them outside long enough to burn off some energy. If not there is always the trail at Weldon Springs that usually does the trick. No mom has it all together if she says she does she is not being truthful! Kids are crazy with Spring Fever too. Not wanting to go to school or even sit still. Thanks for being honest ~ I would write a blog about it but I have a naked boy to catch! later!