Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Only A Best Friend.

As a woman; as a mother--there are things that your husband knows.
In fact, he knows most things about you. You share your life with him. It's vital that he is aware of most things that you are thinking and feeling.

But as a woman; as a mother--there are things that only a best friend knows.
In the area of friendship, I am blessed beyond measure.
I am blessed in ways that make me feel guilty at the end of the day. I take pride in my friendships and hold those that are dearest to me very close to my heart. They treat me well and I would hope that I do the same for them.

But only a best friend knows the deepest crevices of my heart.
She is on the other end of the phone lifting me when I'm down. She is the one who knows exactly what I am feeling without me having to tell her.
We are connected by our spirits; our heartstrings are intertwined and woven tightly.

Only a best friend knows that because this is my 3rd pregnancy, I feel somewhat unworthy of gifts for this babe. I don't want to make a huge fuss and draw attention to myself at any moment, yet I long for her to be loved in the ways of the other 2 children.
I didn't tell her that. She just knows.
Only a best friend knows that my favorite color is yellow. That when I saw this newborn onesie, not only would my heart pitter-patter with delight but I would burst at the seams in tears at how perfectly it will look in her (obviously) red hair...
[[surely that's why there are matching headbands]]
Only my best friend knows how much I struggle with feeling inadequate as a mother on most days. How I have this deep, longing, burning desire to teach my children the ways of the Lord from the time they are growing inside of me; but how I somehow, never feel like it's quite good enough. Like I could always do more.
She knows that I constantly question myself: Am I doing enough?
Will I bear good fruit in these children?
Only my best friend knows the perfect way to encourage my mothering...
Only my best friend knows without me having to tell her that I haven't bought one thing for myself during this entire pregnancy. In fact, I don't buy anything for myself at any time. She knows because she understands that doing for everyone else is so much more vital to me. It's much more fulfilling and it brings me much joy!
But she knows how much I'm blessed by the gift of something that will make me feel beautiful and comfortable. She is a woman whose heart matches mine, afterall.
Only my best friend knows that I cry out to Jesus for my marriage almost daily. She knows that I long to be as much in love with this man in 30 years as I am right now. She hears my passion for him and my frustrations as well.

Only my best friend can understand what I endure daily. She is the only one who will ask me if I've talked to Jesus first before calling to complain to her.

Only my best friend knows my true fears about intimate moments. She conquers them with me and prays for me, I know. She lifts me and she knows I need that.

Only my best friend can shoulder the pain that I sometimes feel, all the while carrying my burden and weight so that I don't have to. She is the only one who gives me an emotional break and allows me to be vulnerable and secluded in that moment. She is my rock; and she knows it.

Only my best friend can take me at my worst, most ugly moment and later admit that she learned from it. She is not moved or shaken by my inability to be consistent in the every day of mothering. She is inspired by it and that empowers me!

Only my best friend has to live thousands of miles from me. Everything I need in her comes at a costly price. But we make it work. God is so good.

My best friend is one of my greatest blessings. I'm not sure how I got through life without her but I do know that I am thankful to serve a God who saw the need and met it with her. There are just some things that are meant to share with a best friend and no one else. There are just some things that the Lord knows I need her for most of all. He brought her into my life at the perfect time and I am thankful to share my every day with her. I am thankful for the many gifts she gives to me that I can never repay. I will never be the same because of my best friend. She is a unique and vital part of who I am; and for that I am thankful.

I can't ever thank you for the most important gifts that you bring to my life, but thank you SO much for the box of gifts you sent today. I opened it with so much excitement for this baby! You allowed me to feel 'ready' this morning.
Everything is so cute and girly. I wish more than anything you could be here to share in everything with me; just like I longed to be with you a few weeks ago when you brought home your cherished girl. I love you more than you know.
Thanks for the binkies. We needed those;)
Oh, and the perfume is delightful. I WILL feel beautiful and sassy while wearing it. I think I'm gonna change out Mabel's hospital bag this morning. I cannot wait!!!
You're my best.


Tiffany said...

Awww. This made me cry. So wonderful, Ramee.

Ashleigh said...

I loved this. I'm so glad that you have someone like that in your life!