Wednesday, July 28, 2010

...the boy who becomes things...

Yesterday they became Indians.
My mom brought markers and before we knew it, the kids were marked from head to toe [along with my walls and table.] It wasn't a pleasant experience on top of the already long morning I had...
I bet you're thinking that I had a long morning due to the fact that I have a newborn baby who kept me up all night long. But you're wrong. My newborn baby is priceless. Close to perfect. & brings such peace to my heart.

I had a long morning [a hard morning] due to this Indian...
He becomes things.
And yesterday he became a terror. A non-stop moving, super loud breathing, aggressive, not listening, yelling, screaming, pinching, biting terror.
And then he became an Indian. And all was well for a few minutes.
Until it wasn't again.
He is irritable and frustrated.
He causes me to be irritable and frustrated.
And then he takes a 3 hour nap and the house is still.
I feel guilty for being the mom that I don't want to be.
The one who yells. The one who feels anger.
I don't want to change him. But I want to be able to have a peaceful day without the chaos that is Braden.

I tuck him in for his nap with streams of sweat pouring from my body. The energy it takes just to get him to this point is far beyond what I should spend in a day. But we make it and I sigh a huge breath of relief. I want to walk out of the room quickly as to escape another moment of his back talking...
...but then he says it...

"I want to pray mommy."
And so we do. And I feel the hand of mercy in my home.
I pray with my second born; my only son and I ask for guidance.
Patience. Long-suffering. Self discipline. Grace.
And I feel the wave of it all crash over me in that moment.
He becomes that child that gets it--the one who may be wild, but whose heart is good and right and pure.
And I make sure to thank God in that moment because they are few and far between.
But I never take them for granted because the story of this post is the story of my life. My days with this boy are challenging and hard...
...but by grace, I am getting through and we will be ok.

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