Monday, July 12, 2010

Changes are Coming.

It's 7:40 Central Time.
This morning I was awakened by the sound of baby birds whose mama must have made a nest right outside of our bedroom window. I want to punch the wall every single morning, but that's slightly irrational so I roll over and somehow find a comfortable position, cover my ears and fall back to sleep.
This morning, before 7 am, my boy walked into my room...
...breathing heavily...
Knowing that his breathing wouldn't quiet now that he was awake and all, I decided to just get up with him and start the day. Right now he is covered up on the floor in front of the couch because--well, he's Braden, and that's where he decided to be. He's sucking on his binky and still-
breathing heavily.
I often don't understand this little boy's thinking. He has started to throw some pretty intense fits and does things that don't make sense to many of us.
But what does make sense to me is how gorgeous he is.
How funny he is.
How smart he is.
How blessed we are.
I started counting down the days until Mabel arrives, but in a different way than I thought I would. I find myself saying, "This is our last week as a family of 4..." or "This is our last Sunday before Mabel comes and rocks our world..."
Daniel says I shouldn't think like that. He says it is just life and there is always a 'last' something before the next thing.
He's right, I suppose. But I can't help but look at my children and realize that the bond they have as sister & brother is about to be slightly changed. The two of them will always share a unique bond and I have been praying that it will only be enhanced by Mabel's presence in their lives. They are still so little that as they grow they will never remember her not being here. In a way, that saddens me. It has only been the two of them for 3 years now. They have shared so much together that they will not remember someday.

I know that my thinking is caused by a little bit of anxiety. It's always a little scary bringing a new baby home and adjusting to life as a bigger family. We did it so quickly and without alot of thinking when Braden was born because life was hectic in so many other ways. Now we have a home & a system of doing things which puts my mind greatly at ease but also presents many questions and uncertainty.

I know that in a matter of 4 short days all my fears will melt away. When I see this sweet face, I will understand how perfectly she was planned for this family at this time. I won't feel anxious or nervous about bringing her home to join Nora and Braden; I know I will only feel excitement! But for now, the questions are lingering and I am feeling a bit sad just trying to figure out how to embrace every single minute with these two redheads in the next few days. After all, these are the last days that it will only be them & I. And some may not understand it, but it's a little hard for me to grasp. It's a little sad.

So, I am embracing 7 am with a loud breathing boy.
I am embracing fits thrown on the blacktop driveway and meals not eaten.
I am cherishing moments of arguing and fighting from the other room.
I am enjoying fleeting kisses or 'I Love Yous'.
I am embracing demands from stubborn children.

...I know that all of these things will still be happening when I bring Mabel home, but I also know they may look different with her in the mix. And maybe they won't. Only time will tell...
4 days to go.


Chrissy♥ said...

i admire your thoughts so much and know you have a deep love for the lord so, i have a quick question for you but i know that you are a VERY busy mama! I don't know how to contact you other than in your emails. Let me know of a good time for you!!!! Thanks in advance!

rameelin said...

Chrissy--email me anytime! I'll be glad to talk to you. You can also message me on facebook anytime!!!

Firecracker said...

I feel change is coming all over, whether it be the weather, our lives, the spirit of God...moving..TONS of change=all good! You are blessed beyond measure!