raising redheads

7 pm.

I took a walk when Daniel got home from work. A long walk.

One that was much needed.

I spent much of this day wasted as far as my attitude is concerned.

Hormonal.

Irritable, impatient, frustrated, angry, anxious.

Ahh. I remember what this is like--not being pregnant.

Remember? Pregnant me is calm and collected.

Non-pregnant me is much less of those things.

I laid in the bathtub trying to redeem myself with Jesus just now.

...and as I laid there, He sweetly reminded me that I dont have to.

He already redeemed me.

and then I sobbed.

Because gently, as if on cue, I heard the sound of my redheads down below. Playing outside in our yard in only their underwear; Giggling.

Unaffected by my shameful ways of this day.

And I heard their daddy playing worship music on his guitar.

and I continued to sob.

I could be no more unworthy of these gifts than I already am.

And yet the Lord chose me.

To mother them.

To love this man.

To worship Him.

And now as I sit here, clear and calm.

Clean and refreshed in the quiet of this moment, I see her.

A gentleness that I have never experienced before.

She is constantly in my midst.

And I feel Him; the Savior.

She is my precious gift and I tell her daily.

I do not want to willingly take any of this for granted.

These are my gifts. Precious gifts.

I do not deserve them and yet here they are; given to me.

And all I have to give in return is my heart.

My surrender.

My thankfulness.

My everything.

And that...I most certainly give.