Monday, August 30, 2010

7 pm.
I took a walk when Daniel got home from work. A long walk.
One that was much needed.
I spent much of this day wasted as far as my attitude is concerned.
Irritable, impatient, frustrated, angry, anxious.
Ahh. I remember what this is like--not being pregnant.
Remember? Pregnant me is calm and collected.
Non-pregnant me is much less of those things.

I laid in the bathtub trying to redeem myself with Jesus just now.
...and as I laid there, He sweetly reminded me that I dont have to.
He already redeemed me.

and then I sobbed.
Because gently, as if on cue, I heard the sound of my redheads down below. Playing outside in our yard in only their underwear; Giggling.
Unaffected by my shameful ways of this day.
And I heard their daddy playing worship music on his guitar.
and I continued to sob.

I could be no more unworthy of these gifts than I already am.
And yet the Lord chose me.
To mother them.
To love this man.
To worship Him.

And now as I sit here, clear and calm.
Clean and refreshed in the quiet of this moment, I see her.
A gentleness that I have never experienced before.
She is constantly in my midst.
And I feel Him; the Savior.
She is my precious gift and I tell her daily.

I do not want to willingly take any of this for granted.
These are my gifts. Precious gifts.
I do not deserve them and yet here they are; given to me.
And all I have to give in return is my heart.
My surrender.
My thankfulness.
My everything.
And that...I most certainly give.

1 comment:

Tiffany said...

Beautiful Ramee. I love, love, love your authenticity. It is encouraging and refreshing. I pray for you, dear friend.