Dear Ash,

Dear Ashley Jean-Marie Ferguson,

You are my most nurturing friend. Because of this unique quality, I always knew you would be a great mother. I always knew because you have a deep soul; an old soul in a sense.

What I didn't know is how much I would love your little boy. I didn't know that when I look at him--every single time I look at him--I would be reminded of our friendship and how it started. I am reminded of two young girls desperately needing one another in a time that was shocking and difficult in our lives. Yet, in Shawn's eyes, I am reminded of the hope that you brought me and I pray that I brought you.
Every time I look at him, my knees go a little weak. I mean, honestly, he's gorgeous. I know that you know. He's yours, after all. But truly I cannot believe how much joy his smile brings to me.
I look at him and I see his daddy. I see a teenage boy who 2 young girls believed in deeply. With all of who we were. And I am so thankful that we stuck it out. And that you married that ornery boy and created a beautiful child with him. It was probably your best move yet.

Sometimes I think back to things that bring a little bit of regret. Sometimes I think back to things that make me really proud. Like after your brother died and we decided to still take that life changing mission trip to Mexico. I have never experienced anything like I did during those weeks away, ministering to the lost and hurting. It turned my world upside down forever. I remember wanting so badly to never forget the pain and the joy we felt during that month in our lives. I look at Shawn, and I remember. And I'm thankful...because everything that happened during that crucial time wrapped itself up and began to shape me into who I am today.

When I look at our children together, I often think about how YOU believed in my writing. You were the one who wanted me to "write a new poem." You were the one who took the time to type every one of them and put them into a book (that your parents still have.) You knew that this gift that I have deep inside of me would become something great in my life. You believed that and I am thankful. Without you, I'm not sure if this thing I do would be as important. I want you to always know that.

And like you have said a few times before, although we have drifted apart through the years and our lives have taken us in different directions, there is always a common place between us. It's that place of wild teenage girls loving deeply and hurting madly. It's a place that only you and I can connect with and feel. It's a place where we will always feel comfort and sadness and a unique bond that ties us together for life. I pray that you understand how important you are in my life, even now. I hope you know that Shawn brings me so much happiness and I love him so so much. I want you to know that I will always love you, care for Shawn, support Jeremy and stand beside you all-no matter what.

You are my most nurturing friend, Ash. And I love you for that.

I want to be the same for you.

All my love,

Rame