beautiful.

I have come to the conclusion that my kids don't need a beautiful mom.

They deserve a confident mom.

When I look at my girls, especially, I feel a sense of responsibility to teach them what it truly means to be beautiful. It is extremely easy to get wrapped up in our appearance but what is important is that it doesn't become the focus of who we are. The Bible says in 1 Samuel 16:7,

"The Lord does not look at things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart."

I have always been a very secure and confident woman. As far as my appearance is concerned, I learned long ago that I wanted to ultimately please the Lord with my life and therefore wasn't going to focus on the way that I looked. I still don't, really. Of course I am conscious of how I look and I desire to look nice. Of course I want my husband to find me attractive. Of course I want my children to see that I take care of myself. All of those things are important to me, but our life is ultimately a matter of the heart and I don't want to waste it focusing on something that is so fleeting.

It's been a little bit harder for me since I became pregnant with Mabel to feel beautiful. I have had to dig deep and really search within myself to connect with the Lord and not think about how I'm 'feeling.' Feelings are deceiving and the enemy hides in our emotions. So when I would have a bad hair day, my makeup didn't look right, or I couldn't find anything to wear, I was often tempted to take the selfish route and accept the enemy and all of his lies about me. And then I remembered that God tells us that even a beautiful person can be deceitful, full of hypocrisy and wicked (Matthew 23:28).

You see, it's easy to look at ourselves in the mirror and get wrapped up in what we see. As women we are naturally drawn to beautiful people and envious of other women. We want perfect hair, perfect eyes, perfect legs, perfect teeth and yet in all of that, we somehow lose ourselves. Who we really are is buried deep beneath the lust of beauty.

Thursday night it happened. I walked outside and felt the fall air. I saw my handsome husband and my children and immediately I was filled with this overwhelming sense of peace about myself. I felt beautiful for the first time in a long time. I realized in that moment that no matter how I look, I am content with myself and truly do feel beautiful.

As a mother, my greatest joy would be to see my girls walk through life with a strong, confident self image. I would be so proud to know that they feel beautiful in every situation. The reality is, they may not. But I want them to understand the depth of who they are is far greater than what is on the surface. Being a good friend, loving the people we encounter, providing grace in times of sadness or trial, being a Godly wife--these things are far more lasting and far more important than beauty that we didn't earn. It was given to us by the Creator and we need to honor Him with the fruits of who we are internally.

For my children, I want to be beautiful. In the ways that matter. In the areas that truly count. I want them to see my beauty as priceless so that they can strive for the same depth of character. Everyday I look at these girls and I pray that they are made to feel beautiful by their father and I. I pray that they are confident and bold in who they are and who they were made to be. The greatest reward, as their mother, would be to see them operating in true inner beauty. They are so pretty, already, but it is unimportant. Their spirits are far more beautiful and unique than their outer features. That is what will define them, and my prayer is that they always see that in me.

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Proverbs 31:30