Tuesday, November 9, 2010

this boy.

There are times when all I feel is frustration.
What is happening? Why is he behaving this way? Why won't he listen?
He wakes me up at 6:30 with a yell and an order and shortly after, he becomes some sort of animal. A lion, lately. A lion that does not want to be called Braden. Only lion.
In this moment, I feel angry and frustrated. I can't get through to this boy.

And then there are times when all I feel is gratitude.
Like when I take him somewhere alone and he talks to me from the backseat. Or when his daddy is playing the guitar and he sings, "Blessed be the name for the Lord." And no matter how many times we correct him, he still sings it wrong. I feel grateful that I am his mommy. That I thrive on the chaos that surrounds him and that I will be ok.

There are moments when I feel overwhelmed.
Like when I hear Nora screaming at him to stop. She yells and yells until I finally come around the corner to see him dropping our new fish back into it's fish tank. I think to myself, "how can this be happening...?"
Is this for real?

But ultimately I look at this little face and I see my future. I am thankful for the funny things he says, the truck noises he makes and the endless amount of talking that goes on. He breathes heavy and I yell alot. But in the midst of that are moments that are so pure, special and unique. It brings me so much laughter and joy to see the things he is learning and the way he loves.

What I know for sure is that I was created to be his mom. And on days like today when all I feel are exhaustion and frustration, I have to remind myself that I'm going to miss this time. This precious time with this boy...

1 comment:

Verena said...

Oh gosh...what you are writing sounds funny but i know it's sometimes hard to deal with...especially when you have a "bad" day.
I think in a few years you'll look back and see it from a different perspective.