Wednesday, December 29, 2010

normal activity.

I was told that I could resume normal activity yesterday-one day after my injection. But it felt so weird. Sitting in the bathtub, I recognized that I was bracing myself for pain with every move I made. I was sitting in a way as to protect myself from the sudden shock of hurt that goes through me typically due to my injury. I sat on the floor and played with the kids which was amazing but when it was time to get up, my teeth tightened. I closed my eyes and went for it. Only this time, no pain as I stood.
No pain as I stood.

The Lord always speaks to me while I'm in the bathtub. I assume it's because it is quiet. I am still. I am relaxed. I use this time for prayer almost always.

Yesterday as I prayed and began thinking about this pain that I no longer feel, I quickly realized that I was anxious and worried about it's return. I was bracing myself with my movements in hopes that I didn't feel the pain-and I didn't.
In that moment, I should have just enjoyed not feeling the pain rather than worrying about the next time I might.

I sat there in the bathtub yesterday and I let God speak.
I listened closely.

"Do you see now? Do you see how the pain you were feeling consumed you? Can you see the comparison that others must feel with emotional pain?
It's consuming them.
They can't enjoy where they are right now for fear that they will be hurt again. They have trouble trusting, loving, believing, hoping and living, much like you have have trouble sitting, relaxing, and standing. They are constantly bracing themselves for what may happen to them next--for when the pain may return, just as you are right now. It is no different than the physical pain only it is within them. It is not talked about, only dealt with. It is deep, sharp, dull and achy. It is everything to them that you have described about your own physical pain. I want you to recognize this and remember this day of 'bracing yourself.'
Don't ever that you can relate to that moment in the lives of others around you."

It is so much the same, isn't it?
Only so much worse.
I understand that now.
My pain lasted for 2 1/2 years. It consumed me constantly during that time. It was unbearably painful and I felt sorry for myself almost daily. And then, within 10 minutes, an injection was given and that pain was relieved.
Immediate relief, they reassured me.

But I know that is not how most of you feel. I know that your relief is not immediate. I know that in some cases your pain has lasted far longer than I can imagine and there is no end in sight. You are bracing yourself. Holding yourself tightly and closely.
Not believing that relief is a reality.

I am here to tell you that you can resume normal activity.
And not tomorrow.
Right now.

You have been hurt. Injured. Wounded.
And relief may feel far away. It may not feel like it is possible to get a break from the pain.
I get that.
But I also know that we serve a mighty God.
A God of comfort who does not want you to depend on yourself or anyone else to ease the pain anyway--
Only Him.
Only Lord.
Only our God.

"We were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, ...that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God"
1 Cor. 1:8-9

It doesn't matter what we feel. The enemy is buried in our feelings. He is nestled in our emotions. We are supposed to depend on the Word and the truth of that foundation, rather than our own feelings. Our emotions are deceptive. They will lead you astray. Our focus should be on the One who has the ability to ease your pain and bring you instant relief.
Sometimes in the form of peace.
Day to day peace.
So that you can live freely and not be burdened by constant pain.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is just for a moment [as seen from God's eternity] is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at things which are seen but that which is unseen. For the things that are seen are temporary but the things which are not seen are eternal."
2 Cor. 4:16-18

I understand it, the emotional burden, and the pain that comes with that internal battle. I understand the conflict that is raging inside of your spirit and I'm sorry for you for that.
I am sorry.
And so is He.
So is our Lord.
He is sorry for you.

My prayer today is that you will stop bracing. That you would wake up and accept that whether the pain is there or not is out of your control. The only thing you can control is how you choose to live that very day.
Today I woke up and chose to resume normal activity.
I'm going to go about my day and enjoy the fact that I don't feel the pain. If the pain returns tomorrow--well, then it does. But for today, it is not here.
I have let it go.
Given it up.
And you should too.

Yours may not be for a day. It may be for a moment.
But for that very moment...
let it go.
Give it up.
and feel that moment of peace. no pain. freedom from it all.
Breathe that in.

The Lord wants us to stop bracing ourselves. It is not about us, after all. It's all always about Him. He wants the glory in whatever it is you are going through. Allow Him to receive that glory. Through Him, you can experience fullness of joy--no matter how deep, achy or sharp the pain may feel.
Maybe today when you stand there will be no more pain.

"Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you and you will glorify Me."
Psalm 50:15

Praying for peace and deliverance in your lives today. Let me know if there is a specific way you would like me to be praying for you.
I love you all.


Tiffany said...

Oh, Ramee. You wrote this for ME. Thank you for allowing God to use your writing, your words. It was balm for my heart, and I am sure for many, many others as well. Thank you.

Jessica Kramasz said...

Beautiful. Exactly what I needed to hear today. What a blessing. Thank you so much.