Hallows eve beautiful mess.

You know what bugs me sometimes? 

It's going to those blogs where every single picture paints a portrait of perfection.  It bugs me because in between these adorable photos of my children are moments of yelling and frustration and need-to-take-a-nerve-pill type moments.  It's not reality.  Not all of it anyway.

But tonight, even through the 4 tired children, two frustrated mommies, 1 leaking g-tube and a really annoying wiener dog I still managed to have a really good time.  And I know the kids did too. 

We were making memories.  Real.  Authentic.  Raw memories.

 It is all hallows eve, after all.  Whatever that means.  And we decided to let the kids make their very own spooky ghosts out of however many sugary marshmallows, chocolate, sprinkles and cookies they wanted.  Pre-candy fest, folks.

 Miss Elaine loved her marshmallow treats.

And we thought brother would to, at first.

 Turns out we were wrong.  And that was that.  Meltdown of the century.  Number one of 5,000 for the night.

 We ate.  And ate.  And vowed to get on the treadmill for an hour, "no matter what time it is."  But here it is 10:21 and this girl is not doing that.  This girl is taking a long bath, reading some magazines and heading to bed.  Probably for 5 minutes before Mabel begins the awful night cry

 All in all, whether they loved them or hated them--they sure enjoyed making them.  They fought in between each marshmallow dipping and fought over who got the sprinkles.  They hit and I yelled.  I yelled some more and they cried some too.  But they always come back and so do I. 

It's what we do here.  Live and forgive.

 And then, after one baby and mama hit the road and the older children went to bed..I stole a few minutes with my littlest love.  The one that is stronger than I know.  The one who stole my heart.  The one who prop sits like a champ (for 5 seconds.) 

 She is brilliantly beautiful and is doing so well.  She makes my heart beat.

 ... Because mommy's of 'normal' children don't take the time to appreciate what hard work it is for them to coordinate sitting up AND using both hands to reach for something that is hard for them to see.

But me? 

I recognize it.  I value it.  I cherish every single time she does it. 

Tonight she intentionally looked at my face and reached for me and I just so happened to have the camera.

I will never forget it.

 I adored this day. 

And I won't fake it and make you think we've got it right or that we're doing it perfect. 

We aren't.  We fail a million times each day.  But we are doing it and that's what matters. 

This is my real life. 

Pretty or ugly--it is mine.  And I am so incredibly thankful for this beautiful mess.