birthdays && breakthroughs.

Happy Birthday Jake!!!  I love you, buddy.

I know that I say it every year, but this year as he stand 5 foot 11 inches with a size 12 shoe or something insane, it's hard to believe this baby is 14!  He is a GREAT uncle and loves with his entire heart.  He loves Jesus and will do amazing things for Him, I know.  You bless my life, Jake Daniel and I love you more than you'll ever know!!!
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We went to Jake's birthday bonfire tonight for a little while.  Brother was tired and wanted to come home.  Mabel cried the entire time like she has been doing for the past week.  I mean literally someone has been holding her and 'swaying' for the past week.  My shoulders are so sore and my lower back is breaking.  It's sad because she doesn't feel good and we don't want her to cry because she seizes when she gets worked up but my oh my...

Nora stayed and played when we came home.

I took a quick bath and when I came downstairs Daniel was holding Mabel with the worship music playing.  This is something we do while holding her and walking, rocking, swaying.  She enjoys it and it's relaxing for us. 

I sat in the other room, painting my nails and before I knew it I was having one of those depressing movie moments.  The kind where I looked down at my own toenails and realized my tears were staining them rather than the color.  I couldn't stop sobbing and before I knew it I was using a cotton ball to wipe my tears away rather than the polish. 

Daniel walked my way and not long after he was crying too.  Hard. 

In a freedom kind of way.  The kind of cry that let's Jesus know you're serious about being on the edge.  A little help, Lord?  Really?!  A little help would be amazing.

So there we were.  Desperate.  Broken.  Sad.  Scared. 

In our big dark house that can tend to feel so very lonely and empty. 

I thank God for the loud chaos that interrupts our lives continually because it's the quiet the stops us dead in our tracks.  It's the quiet that haunts our thoughts and confuses our spirits. 

We don't do the quiet often and this is why.

Tonight we are just tired.  Ready for a breakthrough and in need of the Lord.

He shows up, though.  It never fails that He shows up. 

And if you are diligent and faithful, He'll do the same for you. 

It's just who He is.

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Today I took Nora on a special outing just her and I.  It was well needed and alot of fun.  We shopped, ate lunch and made a special gift.  I so enjoy spending time with her.  If I don't stop and make the time, it will just be gone....that quick...

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Tomorrow is Rachel's birthday. 

She's 25. 

I plan to make it amazing.