festivities.

It's Sunday and I feel like I'm finally winding down.  In fact, it's cold outside, warm inside and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to sneak under my quilt and snuggle with my boy for the rest of the morning. 

My birthday was a smash!  I spent it cleaning the house and mothering, as always.  But that evening I got dressed up and the girls took me out to dinner at the roadhouse.  We took Mabel and she was pretty overstimulated, therefore it was less than ideal...but I had great food with great friends.

 They made me ride the saddle after I begged them not to.  But it does have a way of making you feel pretty special.  Like you're screaming, "Hey world!  I'm another year older!" 

Oh, wait.  They do scream that. 

 Lucky for me I already have my most precious gift so nothing came close in comparison, but the oreo cake that Abrian picked out was pretty special along with the orange coffee mug from Rache and the cake pop mix from Jeni.  They all know me so well and for that, I am grateful.

 Yesterday was a pretty special day as well.  Rache and I took the kids to the Homestead here in town to see Mrs. Claus, Santa himself and to take a sleigh ride.  It was a special day indeed!  The redheads even made an appearance in the "Pantagraph," a local paper, for their interest in story time with Mrs. Claus.

 Days like yesterday are incredibly special.  They are equally as hard.  People always have the best intentions but their comments are getting much more difficult for me.  And now, the differences in Mabel and the other children her age are monumental.  She is almost 17 months old, after all, so the other kids her age are walking and starting to talk.  People think she's an infant.  They say things like, "oh there's a new baby!"  or "oh here's a tiny one." 

And she is, so that's ok.  It just makes things difficult for me. 

 We took a sleigh ride that was pretty neat.  The redheads are at a really fun age.  They believe in all that is Christmas magic and get super excited for things like this.  These are the moments I've waited for with them.  Memories that I can cherish.

 And again, that's what makes it equally as hard for me with Mabel.  Because despite what people think, it doesn't make it any easier that I 'have two normal children.'  Mabel is mine too and I would give anything for her to understand what Christmas is, or what a sleigh ride is.  I would give anything for her to be able to see what we're doing and enjoy it.  What is pretty special about my girl, though, is that no matter where we are, as long as I am holding her, she is happy. 

She trusts me in such a refined, delicate, powerful way because she knows nothing else.  I hope I can trust the Lord that way.

 Finally, the kids got to see Santa and get their photo taken.  They did great and neither were scared this year!  I am so proud of them.

 It's always been hard for me to put Mabel on the Easter Bunny or Santa's lap not because she will be scared (because she literally doesn't know or care) but because she doesn't know or care.  And because she can't see to look at the camera.  Inevitably the photographer always yells, waves his arms and plays peek a boo to get her to look at them and she doesn't.  This time, she did great and our wonderful photographer is from here in town and probably knows about our girl.  I'm thankful for easy moments like that...

This is our first holiday since starting on our journey with Mabel.  Last Christmas we had not begun any testing or therapy at all.  I was concerned, but I hadn't come to the realization that something was truly going on yet.  So this year is a little difficult.  I can say, though, that I am purposing in my heart to really enjoy these moments with the big kids no matter how difficult it feels.  They are at such a great age and I want to make these moments as normal as possible for them.  And for me.  Because someday I hope to look back and realize that while going through the motions, the sadness disappeared somewhere.  In the meantime, I'll just fake it til I make it.

Sometimes that's life.

I can't believe we're in the middle of Christmas festivities already.  Daniel and I got the majority of our shopping done last week which feels amazing. 

What will you do to get in the Christmas spirit?