Tuesday, December 27, 2011

hearing follow-up.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas celebrating our King!  We sure did, and although I have a million photos to share, they are not currently on this computer.  I'll catch you up soon.  

Sadly, my Christmas bliss ended abruptly this morning.
 I took Mabel for a follow up hearing test.  She hasn't had her hearing tested since we confirmed some loss last October.  It felt so weird going back to the office today that practically started our journey.  Being told that your baby can't hear is a very scary thing but in hindsight it was the most gentle news we heard all year.  I was anxious to go back today and see how things had changed...

Unfortunately things haven't changed much.  In fact, the sweet audiologist explained that Mabel's ear drums are wiggling, which is a good thing.  This means that we know sound can get through.  But going further in the testing it appears as if the nerve endings may have some damage that is causing the sounds to muffle or stop when coming back out.  

She said that she got a slight reading on the middle tones on one ear but not as good as she would like to see. These are the sounds "e" "o" etc.
The tones that are important for us to hear when it comes to interpreting speech and being able to learn to speak weren't responsive in Mabel's ears--neither of them in fact.

We did two diagnostic tests today and now they are referring us to a pediatric audiologist who will probably want to do a sedated ABR to give us a conclusive diagnosis.  At that point they would go forward with hearing aids, if that is something that will be helpful, or any other treatment that may be necessary.

As always, this news is hard to hear yet leaves me hopeful that it is yet another piece to a very important puzzle that is still very much a mystery. 
Mabel is still very much vision AND hearing impaired and until today I was hopeful that the latter statement was untrue.  

Today I feel like we are back at square one in many ways.  The first appointment, one year later.
And this is probably how Mabel's little life will go. 
 Appointment, follow-up, follow-up, specialists.
One year later and we are continuing in a circle that feels unending.
I never get used to hearing a Dr. deliver news that seems so foreign to my spirit.  I never get used to smiling and nodding with a fake smile as if everything is ok or fine.  It's isn't.
None of it is or will be.
It's unfair and it makes me so angry--on so many days in so many ways.

Thankfully I serve a God who is big enough.  A God who formed Mabel perfectly in my womb and I believe that she is exactly how she was created to be.  I know He can handle my fears, sadness and even my anger .  so I'm resting in that today.  And hoping that He helps reveal our little girl's mystery sooner rather than later.

For today I am thankful to be surrounded by the redheads and my smiling girl.
  I am thankful for the promise of this New Year and all it may hold for this family and yours.
2012--what do you hold for me?

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