Mary.

This holiday season has came upon me quickly.  I have been thinking much about the birth of our Lord and focusing on the astounding beauty behind it.  Mostly, however, I can't get my mind off of Mary.  When I hear the song "Mary did you know" I also think deeply into the mind of this woman who was so sincere and so diligent in the carrying of this child, our Savior. 

This year, I can't help but relate to her in a whole new way.

"Mary did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?

This child that you delivered will soon deliver you."

And I believe that she understood it when the angel came to her and explained, but I don't know if she really knew it.  Because how could you?  How could you grasp the depth of what was going to someday take place through your child? 

If an angel came to me and explained all that I was going to endure with Mabel, physically and especially emotionally, I would hear the words but I could never understand them in a true way until I were actually living life with this child.  I could never comprehend the ways in which she would bring people to know the Lord and teach me about who He really is.

I mourn for Mary sometimes in my own mind. 

I think about her young, sweet innocence and how completely beautiful she was.  She captivates me with her dedication to the Lord and her passion for her child.  But I wonder..I just wonder if she possibly knew the depth of the life they were about to lead.  She couldn't possibly have known that Jesus--her baby infant--was going to die a tortured and terrible death someday.  I mean, if she'd known, wouldn't there have been protest in her heart?  Wouldn't there have been anger and resentment?  After all, she was not free from experiencing those things, just as we are not.  She was all human and simply a vessel for this child who was both God and man. 

I think about the life she lived before having the baby Jesus.  She was young and vibrant and faithful to God.  She probably held an innocence that was hard to find and enjoyed life immensely.  She probably dreamed of having children with this handsome man that she would someday marry and yet some of that was quickened for her.  She was obedient to God when he called, of course, but I often wonder...was that hard for her?  Would she have chose something different if given that choice?  Did she think things that she never revealed to anyone else about this babe she was about to birth? 

Or did she go into the mothering of baby Jesus knowing all of these things and not caring how difficult it would all be?  Did she anticipate how sad and hard it would someday be to watch Him suffer, but only after He did wonderful, powerful, miraculous and amazing things?  Was that worth it to her? 

But as a mother, knowing the cost of those things was ultimately the life of her child, did she hurt every day as she  anticipated the worst?  In Mary's case, the worst was the best for all of us.  When Jesus was tortured and killed, we all got the chance to live.  But as His mother, I would expect that she was jealous for her own son at times and would rather Him just live out with her the life that she had dreamed for Him.  Did she question God?  Did she cry out to Him with mixed feelings of hurt and fear?

I'm not Mary.  I didn't carry the King Jesus in my womb [obviously].  But the way I relate to this young mother is a sentiment that I am thankful for.  I have examined my heart this Christmas and I just can't help but come back to this sweet young mother.  All of the plans that she must have dreamed up for Jesus would be ultimately altered by the Father.  I see Mabel and I know that the same is true.  Only my girl isn't going to save all of mankind.  Thankfully she doesn't have to do that.  But the plans that I had for her are not the same as those that the Lord has.  His plans have changed everything.  And there is a surrender in that; much like I suppose Mary felt.  But it did not come easily and some days there is still a protest and a fight in me that outweighs the gentle surrender that I should feel and exhibit.

She carried that baby in her womb and even if she had known all that was going to take place in those final moments of His life, ultimately, what choice did she have? 

I carried Mabel in my womb and even if I had known all that we would endure with her and all the suffering that she may have, ultimately, what choice did I have?

Because the truth is Mary loved the kicks of her child inside of her womb so much that she was willing to have him, hold him, raise him and trust that God would handle the rest. 

And each time that Mabel hiccuped inside of me, I prayed, "Lord...do great things with her..."  And I trusted that He would do just that.

Because the truth is, the will of the Father is much more important than Mary could have envisioned, dreamed about or conjured up.  The will of the Father is above all, perfect. 

Some mothers in our generations make choices while they are carrying a baby.  They make the choice to test for diseases early on in their pregnancy and then abort their child if those tests reveal sickness.  Although I don't think this is right and I am not pro-choice, I no longer judge them for those choices.  It is not my place to think into their decisions and make a judgement based on their life. 

I just know that even if Mary would have had the choice, knowing all that Jesus would endure and suffer, she would have still given birth to Him on that cold winter night in a stable.

And I know that even if I had taken the option to have those medical tests ran during my pregnancy with Mabel, I would still have delivered this dark haired girl in the middle of the summer.

Because the Father's will is above all and I surrendered to it long ago.

I'm not sure if Mary knew what would take place in the young Jesus' life as He hung on a cross and died for all mankind. 

I'm not sure what the future holds for Mabel.

All I know is that I gain strength from Mary during this season of my life; knowing that she just raised that child, entrusting Him to the Lord and allowed His life to be used for a greater purpose. 

I pray that I have the strength to do the same.

Mary's child allowed the deaf to hear and the blind to see. 

My child needs her child to do those things for her. 

From one mother to another, I am thankful for Jesus and am asking Him to do mighty things in Mabel.

*****

"My soul magnifies the Lord,
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
For He has regarded the lowly state of his maidservant;
For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed."

 (Lk 1:46-49)