Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Years Eve was interesting. 
If sitting at home on facebook and watching everyone else's ignorance unfold is interesting.
 We spent the night at home, with our children, Rache & Harper.  We made homemade pizza and had brownie-cookies with chips and pop.  It was business as usual for the most part except we let the kids stay up until 11 to watch the ball drop on TV (because we are on central time.)
 Throughout the night, I checked into facebook and looked closely at the resolutions that were being made.  
To lose 10 pounds, to eat at home more often, to find love, to clear life of negative people...
Everyone has their own goals and their own ideas of what they want for their lives.
 It just strikes me as odd.  I woke up today and nothing felt different.  I can't tell it's a new year, only a new day that feels very similar to the days before.  For me, every day is about trying to better myself in some way so that I can operate in joy, be a better mother and discover God more deeply.

I asked Daniel if he had a resolution and he couldn't think of one.  
My friend, Tiffany, blogged about how in 2012 she is focusing on Self Control; not a list of resolutions, rather one word that is hard to tackle.  I thought about it for a long time and can't think of one word that may define 2012 for me.
Other people listed silly things, or things that felt silly to me because all I can ever think about in situations like this are the mothers who lost children to disease in 2011 and they're only resolution is probably just to wake up tomorrow and breathe.  
My eyes have been opened to a world that is unlike this one.  It is unfair and potentially damaging to your spirit.  It's sad and lonely and yet enlightening and powerful. 
It has made me realize that no matter what 'resolutions' I make for my year, my days, my life...ultimately I am not in control anyway.  
 So for me, I have decided to focus on finding happiness every some way.  In something.
And not for my children.  Not for my husband. 
For me.  
Joy & Happiness inside of my spirit, every day.

...this naked Barbie in the background of this photo makes me laugh.  Day one of happiness--check.
Sometimes silly happiness is the best.  Maybe that's what I mean after all...
Finding joy in the simple things and the silly things again.
Not taking every day so seriously and letting the sad be outweighed by the funny or mundane.  
Because this year has the potential, just like the last, to bring alot of sadness and confusion.
So in the midst of the hard days, I am setting out to find happy.
Silly, Mindless, Joyful, Crazy, Happy.

Maybe the 'ignorant' resolutions weren't so ignorant after all.  Maybe they all have the right idea.  Focusing on something of so little importance may be the key to taking my eyes off of the harsh reality that can sometimes be my life.  
So we'll see.  Maybe I'll document my happy for you all each day.
If we look around, the world is full of it.

Happy New Year, friends.  
Welcome, 2012.

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