healing hand of God.

I have seen the many faces of fear and of pain
I have watched the tears fall plenty from heartache and strain
So if life's journey has you weary and afraid
There's rest in the shadow of His wings

I have walked through the valleys, the mountains, and plains
I have held the hand of freedom that washes all my stains
If you feel weight of many trials and burdens from this world

There's freedom in the shelter of the Lord 

 And I have seen the healing hand of God

Reaching out and mending broken hearts

Taste and see the fullness of His peace

And hold on to what's being held out

The healing hand of God

And I have touched the scars upon His hands to see if they were real

He has walked the road before me, he knows just how I feel

When you feel that there's not anyone, who understands your pain

Just remember all of Jesus's suffering

 'Cause I have seen the healing hand of God

Reaching out and mending broken hearts

Taste and see the fullness of His peace

And hold on to what's being held out

Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you

He's near to the broken and confused

By His stripes our spirit is renewed

So enter in the joy prepared for you

 I have seen the healing hand of God
Reaching out and mending broken hearts
Taste and see the fullness of His peace
And hold on to what's being held out...
[jeremy camp, healing hand of god.]

 I used to think that healing was all about physical manifestations of miracles.  I used to be a part of the kind of thinking that has faith in faith.  I used to box myself in to believing that we have power in that which we believe to be true.

I now believe differently

It is not because my faith is lacking.  It is not because I have fallen and my walk is dwindling.  It is because a God who is so personal and so nurturing stepped into my life and transformed me radically.  He reached down into my spirit and lifted that which was taught to me for so long and replaced it with truth.  

Here's the truth:  Even before creating His own son, God knew that He would need Jesus to die as sacrifice for us.  And yet He created him anyway.  He did it anyway.  Jesus was His own son.  God knew the kind of agony this would cause His own heart and the heart of Jesus and yet He knew it was necessary. 

I'm not comparing Mabel to Jesus but I do know that even before God created Mabel, He knew that the little blip on gene CLN10 (or whatever mystery gene is affected) was going to lead us here, to where we are today.  He knew because it was His idea all along and yet He created her anyway.  If you don't believe that it is God's will for Mabel to be this way or if you believe that it is His will for us all to be healed and whole physically...

well then you're just flat out wrong.

 What does it mean to be whole anyway?  Who are we to devise such thinking that we decide was is an appropriate healing or a sufficient wellness to be suitable for Christ following?

How audacious is our thinking to wrap up the God who made us and then unwrap Him with our own ideas and manipulations?

The song above spoke to Rache and she asked me to look up the lyrics again.  

As I re-read them time and time again I couldn't help but notice that the author has surely been through something in his life to bring about great wisdom.  Most people don't endure that kind of transformation and quite honestly, most won't understand the true healing hand of God that sets you free from the mindsets of today's church.  But thank God this journey has led me to a freedom in my thinking and a familiarity with my Savior that is so personal and so changed that I will never be able to return again.

When I first started to open up about Mabel's struggles I went through a period of time where I was so desperate to do anything and everything to ensure she would be healed.  I went to the alter with her, I had the elders pray with her, I pleaded and begged and bartered with God every single day.  Day in and Day out I was tormented by my efforts because I felt an urgency to know that as a mom, I had done everything in my power to see that my child would be well. 

There was a turning point when God spoke to me very clearly and told me that it was not my burden to carry and not my worry to bear.  

Suddenly a peace fell onto me like a physical wind and it hasn't gone away since.  

Now I see others around me scurrying for a resolve to this problem that is NCL.  But there is no resolution.  This is not to say that I have lost faith in God.

Quite the contrary, friends.

This is to say that I trust in a God who makes all things beautiful in His time but tells us that even though he planted eternity in our hearts, we can't possibly understand the whole scope from beginning to end.(Ecc 3:11).   I trust in a God who declares that there is a season for everything and a time for every matter under Heaven (Ecc. 3:1).  I trust in a God who gives and takes away.  A God who promises fullness of Joy.  

Fullness of Joy.

I trust in a God that is jealous and wants to be glorified in all things.  And I sit here today confident that even in this, I am bringing Him glory.  And I will continue to trust Him and do so because more than my own children, more than my own husband, more than my own life and breath...

I adore this God who is my King.

I am not desperate to see Mabel be healed.  Mabel is whole and fine.

She is beautiful and alive and she is perfectly pure.

I say it again, it is not Mabel who needs the healing but those of us who believe she does.

Of course I want Mabel prayed for.  Of course I will continue to go to the alter and cry out to God.  But I will do so knowing that He is sovereign and His will is perfect.  I will ask for strength and peace; wisdom and understanding.

In doing so I refuse to live my every day chasing after a healing and desperately seeking God for something that He clearly told me He wasn't going to do.  Instead I will love my girl wildly every chance I get, share her story with anyone who will listen and hope that in doing so God will be lifted up and adored.  

He set a peace in my heart and His peace is all that matters.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." --John 14:27