Wednesday, August 22, 2012

normal. [not normal.]

I have a sinus infection.  I hate not feeling good.
I hate it even more when I'm emotional and not feeling good.  It's a weird week.
 Yesterday I spoke about Mabel at the power plant.  I was so thankful to be invited and am even more thankful that they are sponsoring our race.  Sometimes when I'm speaking about Mabel, though, I feel like I'm an outsider looking in.  It all feels very robotic and the emotions don't surface until moments when I'm having a breakdown on my kitchen floor before 9 am while my friends hold me like a nursing baby.
I know because it happened.
 I'm so excited for the race and yet on days like today I can't believe we're actually doing it because our baby is sick.  It's hard to talk about it and actually live in the reality of it when she seems so well [to me.]  It's all I know-her seizures, her tongue, her weak little body, her poop issues, her vision.  It's all I know.  I don't even know how to hold or take care of a 'normal baby' anymore.  
She's my normal.
 With my new normal, I've been able to slightly merge the old.  Like watermelons on my doorstep first thing in the morning left my Uncle Mike...
 That feels normal.  It's all I've ever known.
It's also all I've ever known to have a boy who talks non-stop, throws a massive fit every now and then and only eats chips and oreos.
We go with it.
 Not normal?
When I walk outside to find Braden's toy on Mabel's head.  She doesn't know it but obviously didn't shake her head as usual and therefore I got this gem of a picture.
These chairs being filled with friends and a yard full of wild kids.  This is where I often blog from.  This is where I drink coffee from, cry from, laugh from.  
These chairs are my go-to place for 'normal.'
 Not normal?
Mabel sometimes slowly lifts herself into this position.  
Creep sauce.
 Mid-week school report:  All is well.  My girl seems happy.
Mama is missing her.  She said "she likes the break from bubby."
2 days til Race day!
Hope to see you there.

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