Thursday, August 30, 2012

que sera, sera.

The last two days have looked like this:
She's in the stroller right outside of my door.  I'm on the inside watching her.  Not touching, not holding.  Just breathing and praying.  Eventually she stops and she stills.  All is quiet and well.  
 I'm not sure what's going on but what I do know is that it sure aint pretty.  
Pray for peace for my girl?
Pray for my sanity?
Thank you for all the amazing feedback after yesterday's post.  You guys are amazing.  I know that during this trial of our life that my children will thrive in the security of our home.  I have never been one to make decisions for my life based on the norm for this world.  I am preparing my children for eternity and although we part of this blip in time here on earth, ultimately I want to know that the decisions I have made were led of God so that it can be pleasing to Him for Heaven.  Keeping these children home to teach them is something that I was called to do and my mom reminded me gently that when he plants a dream inside of our hearts, He equips us for that purpose.  He hasn't taken the gift away just because Mabel requires more care.  He will continue to equip us accordingly.  I believe that He will and am trusting Him to see us through yet another year at home.

 Last night we had girl's night to celebrate my new friend, Jen's birthday.  I sat back and reflected on the women around me;  these friends of mine who God has graciously placed in my life.  I'm amazed.  
 I'm continually amazed by the growth of our lives and the respect we maintain for one another.  We make different choices, have different beliefs, feel different emotions and yet there is a similarity between us that pushes us; moves us.
 We dish about our men, we enjoy good food, we talk about God and religion, children and movies.  We laugh and learn; feel challenged and expressive.  There is a balance in this heart of mine that is so maintained by moments like these with beautiful friends [both inside and out.]
 I'm challenged to be a better friend, a more empathetic and passionate one.  I am challenged to allow help and to be vulnerable.  I am free to be myself and yet feel the desire to shape myself as well.  I see the good in these women and they see the good in me.  It's a proper gathering of timidity and power, kindness and humor.  

When we are all together I can step back and see that these friendships truly do work like a well-oiled machine.  There is structure and schedules, freedom and decisions.  There is quiet and loud, reserved and outspoken.  There is natural and there is flamboyant.  There is a mix of people and love and trust that is so beautiful and delicate.  I'm confident that most friendships are not as full as mine are.  
I cherish this as one of my truest gifts.
There has been so much growth this year within each of my relationships.  Some have been maintained and some have been deepened.  I hope that each of the people in my life feel a sense of worth and value that can never be pinpointed.  It's a powerful and epic thing that should go unspoken.  

I think after last night we are all learning to let it be just that.
After all, every time I see Abby I'm reminded [because of her new tattoo]...
"whatever will be will be."
Good day, friends.  Date night for me tonight♥

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