sunday wings

This morning I did some spring cleaning.  The house feels light.

I can't find my camera card.  It is tucked inside of Nora's camera somewhere and she's unwilling to help me find it.  I suppose it will show up but I'm hoping sooner than later as the days turn bright and the lighting begs for photos of my children.

Mabel woke up late and then had a hard time swallowing.  She hasn't been as chokey lately until today.  It leaves me uneasy seeing changes that happen rapidly.  Maybe she was just extra tired and slept longer?  But maybe not.  Maybe her body is doing other things; things that are unseen.  The uneasiness of her little life leaves me exhausted.  

The kids are playing dress up and as the laundry tumbles in the background I thank God for the mundane.  I deactivated my facebook account a couple of weeks ago and got rid of some other technology distractions.  I've been focused on the things at hand, the things that are real life and I feel so free because of it.  I have found that eliminating things of our culture that are so unimportant help bring the focus back to that which is.  

I have really heard Nora's voice this week.

I have hugged Braden longer and more often.

I have danced with my Mabel girl and her scent seemed deeper.

My treasures here are great.  

There is no mistaking the blessings that God has poured out for me.  But I can't help but hope for the treasures that He is storing up in eternity; the place I long for.  

This Sunday is different than most.  It is quiet and there is a structure that has been missing for quite some time.  There is a loneliness in my heart and an aching for the normal that I've always known.  

But I am still breathing.  And as long as there is breath in my lungs I will continue to wake up and live this one wild and precious life with the vibrancy and enthusiasm that exists in the deep places of who I am.

For them.  And for myself.  

But also because there is a God who called me for more than sadness. 

Today and each day that follows I will set out to trust Him.

 Even in the silence.  Even in the heartbreak.  Even in the anguish.

Even now.

I trust Him when He says it can all be used for good.

So I wait.

And l will live life fully in the meantime because it is mine to live--my only one.

Happy Sunday, friends.