Mother's Day Week: Abrian's Story

In Honor of Mother's Day week, I asked some of the mom's from 'my village' to write posts about their experiences with motherhood.  Our village is peppered with such a diverse group of women.  There are moms-to-be, moms of many, moms to teens, moms of special needs, moms who have experienced loss, step-moms-in-the-making, single moms and more.  We are all always doing our best to encourage one another in our individual journeys through this very difficult and very rewarding role of motherhood.  In the next several days I hope that you enjoy reading about the phenomenal women who surround me, uplift me and challenge me to be the best mom that I can be.  They are wonderful, strong, empowering and brave.  Today I'd like to kick off this Mother's Day week with my sweetest, youngest friend and newest mommy-to-be, Abrian. 

In her own words:

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This will be my first Mothers' Day as a mother, though I'm technically not a mother yet. I am eight months pregnant with my first baby. I debated about if I should feel included in this holiday or not, because if I expected any kind of recognition, I needed to give my husband fair warning.

So I started thinking about what truly makes a mother. I came to realize that I already am one. You see, my every thought is about this little "Peanut." She consumes most of my day. While I'm at work (in a high school), I'm thinking about the things I will make sure she knows by the time she's that age. I think about what kind of student she might be, and what I will do if she behaves like some of the kids I deal with. I think about the hardships some of the students have already had to endure and vow that she will never experience that. When she's being particularly active (read: using my body like a pinball machine) or being incredibly stubborn during yet another sonogram where she refuses to show us her face, I think about her funny, quirky personality and what she might be like as she's growing up. I wonder if she will act like me or her dad, or if she will be her own individual. I daydream of all the things I hope she will accomplish. When she's having a quiet day, I start to panic that something is wrong, because in neurotic new mommy brain, not moving in a few hours means there is something life-threatening happening. Who knew moms worried so much? ; )

I have learned being a mother means you come second. Everything I do is for the benefit of this little girl that hasn't even arrived yet. I'm type 1 diabetic. Any time my blood sugar acts up, I feel guilty. I immediately feel this gut-wrenching fear that I have done something to harm Peanut. I want to tell her I'm sorry; I don't mean for her to have to grow in a less than perfect body. Of course, this is not the case; my weekly doctor visits confirm that my being diabetic has in no way effected her development thus far. I know this, and the guilt still pops up. I got an additional serious diagnosis while pregnant. The first question I had was how it would affect the baby. I now view my health as critically important, not for myself, but because it keeps her healthy.

So this year I have a new appreciation for mothers. Being pregnant is a really big physical sacrifice- I'm one of those whiny ladies that has been nauseated, achy, fatigued, and uncomfortable for a very looooong time. I would say being pregnant is horrible, but it's kind of incredible and the greatest thing I've ever done. Truly though, my appreciation is deeper than just the ability to deal with the initial part that I'm in now. I understand now that a mother's children take over her every thought everyday. They are always present in her mind; a mind that is full of love, worry, doubts,  hopes, and dreams.

This year for Mothers' Day, I am incredibly thankful to be able to call myself a mommy-to-be and to have the best role models to show me the way.